Tuesday, January 15, 2008

how to make a friend

"CANCER (June 21-July 22): "Dear Rob: Help! When I give love I feel powerful but when I accept love I feel weak. So even though I dearly crave love, when someone tries to give it to me I run away. I'm afraid of the vulnerability that comes from being the recipient of the gift; I'm afraid of being in debt to the person who's offering it; I'm afraid of the loss of control that comes from not providing myself with everything I need; and I'm afraid that if I accept love, I'll get addicted to it, and then how will I cope if it goes away? What can I do? -Cowardly Crab." Dear Crab: In the coming weeks, the universe will conspire to help you find new ways to think about these riddles. You'll have tremendous access to the precise kind of courage you need."  

That's an interesting horoscope. Then again, Rob Brezny always has something witty to say.  

i was lonely today, but i tried something new. instead of sleeping, like i usually do, i went to the gym with greg and katie. the hardest part was giving up my nap and the prospect of isolating and wallowing, and making the decision to get my butt on an exercise machine instead. when i said i was too depressed to exercise, greg made a good point that exercise releases endorphins. i couldn't very well argue with that, so i went. it wasn't bad at all, and made me feel good that i'm not just wasting my gym membership. the other reason i decided to give in and go to the gym was because i didn't want greg to be right. the other day we were fighting and i called him self-absorbed because he is always feeling sorry for himself, and he told me it is my own fault that i'm lonely and depressed because every time he invites me to go somewhere and do something where i'd get to meet new people, i always say no. he said i'd be less depressed if i'd actually spend time with people once in awhile. so when he asked me to go to the gym, i couldn't very well turn him down, right? then he'd win!  

it's just hard to meet people and make friends in college. in high school you have the same set of people in pretty much all your classes for all four years, so it's easy to get to know people. (even if everyone is mean and cliquey and you're a social outcast and no one sits with you at lunch or talks to you in the locker room and you have no friends whatsoever. but that's purely situational and has nothing to do with what i'm talking about.) college is just too big; you can have five different classes and not a single person who's in more than one of them with you. unless you live on campus, there really aren't that many opportunities to meet people. i suppose i could join a club, but there's nothing i'm interested in or good at which has been made into a club. 

i have tried what john from wilderness quest told me to do to make new friends: every time i'm in class, i turn to the person sitting next to me, stick out my hand and say "hi, i'm sarah, what's your name?" but john forgot to tell me what the next step is. because all i have accomplished with the "hi, i'm sarah" technique is learning the names of about ten people. knowing names doesn't get me invitations to parties or dates or study groups. maybe it just takes some time. that sucks. i HATE things that take time. i HATE waiting.  

i tried a new technique of making friends the other day, and it seems to have worked better than anything else i've tried. but i am pretty sure it is not a very repeatable method. i went to the taco place they have on campus, and just started talking to the guy who works there. mostly i was teasing him for taking such a long time with my order. (he is seriously the slowest taco-maker of all time! it took him literally five minutes to make two tacos, maybe longer!!) i don't think that's generally a good way to make friends, seeing as how it might upset the people waiting in line behind me. (i am not the only person who has a hard time waiting) it didn't matter this time since there was no line at all. i was sure he'd just forget about me since he sees so many customers, but i came back like two weeks later and he remembered me and asked me my name. so now i have a friend at the taco stand. but that's pretty much it. i think i might be able to make a few friends in my english class soon- she sometimes has us work in small groups, which is conducive to meeting people. i am scared of girls, though. 

the only girl friends i have are from treatment, and that's only because they were the only people available to me and i had no choice. believe me, if i'd had a choice, i would never have made friends with those girls. don't get me wrong, girlfriends are GREAT; in fact, i'd go so far as to say that one solid girlfriend is worth three or four guy friends. they are loyal, stick by you, sensitive, understanding, and sympathize with you in ways guys never could. but it is so HARD to make friends with a girl. the only practice i have is from treatment, where everything is already out on the table and you have no secrets. getting a girl to take down her walls and open up to you in the real world is virtually impossible for me to figure out how to do. i should get a self-help book or something.  

just when i finished the first book in a totally exciting series, kate left town. she had the second book, and i couldn't get it from her and start reading it until she got back. how excruciating! fortunately, she drove me home tonight and was thoughtful enough to listen to my pleading messages on her answering machine and bring the book with her to lend me. i am so excited to start reading it! the series is "Uglies," and the second book that i'm reading now is called "Pretties." it's about a world in the future where everyone, once they turn sixteen, gets to turn pretty. so in a world where everyone is pretty, normal people are considered ugly. but there's this girl and she's not sure if she wants to be turned pretty, so she runs away with her friend, and it's about where they go and what happens to them. i definitely recommend it. the plot makes up for an occasional lack of elegance in the writing. 

i am also reading one flew over the cuckoo's nest. i've read the first half before, but never finished it. it's good. reminds me of klarman. a LOT.

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