dreams

so i have been corrected. it seems i was in error when i wrote "baluga whale" in one of my comics strips; the proper term was "sperm whale." thank you joe.

the coolest thing happened to me last night while. i fell asleep on my bean bag chair, and i started having this really strange sensation, like my spirit was floating away from my body. it was like my body was no longer capable of containing it, so the particles just sort of drifted off into the sky and away into this imaginary universe. i knew i was dreaming, but i mistook it to be real at first. usually when i dream, it is like watching a cartoon version of myself. this time, however, i was inside this ghostly body looking out through the eye sockets like i do all day in real life. after a few minutes, i realized the most amazing thing; i could control everything that was happening. characters would come into my dream, but i could make them come or go, do what i wanted them to do and say what i wanted them to say. all i had to do was wish it and they'd do exactly what i was thinking. i could make the plot anything i wanted, design new people to meet and talk with, and start and stop the scenes as i liked.

the best part was that i could still FEEL; even though it wasn't my real body, when a person came and took my hand, i'd feel their touch. it didn't feel real exactly. it felt cool, like air, but substantial at the same time. even thought it was very very light, it still had some weight to it. i could feel other people's heartbeat just from touching their hand. at one point, i bit someone who i wanted to leave the dream, and i felt the cold on my teeth; my teeth had nerves in them!! weird, right?

another interesting thing about it was the background music. i didn't even notice it for a long time, until the song changed suddenly to something sort of familiar. it was electronica, like techno music, with a beat that matched my pulse. i think i was the only one who could hear it, after i started listening to it. it was like having a soundtrack to everything i was doing, one song that never stops going.

usually, i forget my dreams as soon as i open my eyes. but this one stayed with me, which made it more real than ever. it felt like it really happened for a few minutes. i wonder if there is something magical about my beanbag chair, or what. speaking of which, i need a name for my beanbag chair. any suggestions?

comics

date with mike2

i went out with mike again. i called him yesterday and asked him if he wanted to come to our saturday sibling dinner. he said he was already eating dinner, but asked me if i wanted to go out dancing with him later that night. 

we went to a high school in pleasant grove. there were about a hundred people there, some young, some old. most of them were wearing some sort of country dress, like boots and jeans and maybe a cowboy hat. i had never done country dancing before, but it wasn't that hard to learn. i was probably just lucky because dude is a freaking awesome leader, and made following incredibly easy for me. i was surprised what a great dancer he was! i told him he was great, then said something along the lines of "uh oh, i shouldn't have said that; it'll only make your oversized ego even bigger!" he laughed and agreed. he's extremely confident and carries himself very well, so it really is true that i have to be careful with compliments.

he showed me how to do all these twisting-turning moves to the fast songs, and then tried waltz and two-step to a few of the slow songs. i'm telling you, this guy is not a deacon-shuffle type of guy. he dances for real, and since he leads so well i almost feel like i know how to dance too! it had been over a year since i'd gone out dancing, and before that i hadn't done anything for about seven months. it felt good to get out there again! i refused to do the line dances, though, because it was too embarrassing. i told him i wouldn't line dance unless i knew every single person out there on the floor, and he thought that was funny.

we got tired after awhile, so we went to borders for some hot chocolate. unfortunately, borders had just closed, so instead we stopped at macey's and bought some hot chocolate and went to my house and made it ourselves. the only thing about mike that i don't like is that he talks a lot and doesn't listen enough. he'll talk about random things, too, like cars or a specific kind of guitar, and explain every little detail to me, even after i told him i don't know anything about cars. i think he took that to mean that i want to learn, or something. the first few times i just listened, but after awhile i started interrupting him, saying "oh no, not cars AGAIN!" in kind of a joking way to let him know to shut up without being too rude. now that i think about it, he reminds me of joe a LOT. not just because he likes explaining the most random things, but also his quirky sense of humor. his confidence reminds me of elliot. that's a little creepy. i'm not sure whether elliot amuses me, annoys me, infuriates me or disgusts me. but that's something else entirely.

tonight i went to game night at greg's house. they have it every sunday night, apparently. it was my first time going. i don't know what was the matter with greg, but he hid in his room the entire time! i still had a great time though; his roommate, dan, and esther, dan's fiancee, are absolutely hilarious! it was the girls against the boys, and we kicked their trash. whatever team i'm on ALWAYS wins. it doesn't matter what game we're playing or who's participating; i ALWAYS win. ALWAYS. the only game i ever lose is shanghai. dot kicked our trash with that over christmas break. i am very competitive, especially in word-games like scattergories and scrabble and catchphrase and boggle, and i make it a point to win every time. i'm also good at card games, though not as good as dot, apparently. i'm good at shuffling cards, too. i think my skills at board games and cards are largely due to all the time i spent in treatment. that's where i learned to do the bridge. i also put in a lot of time doing puzzles. i would get furious with anyone if they tried to help me with a puzzle i was working on. i need to learn to be more relaxed and easy-going when it comes to these types of things. that's probably what i like best about mike; he's just so laid-back about everything. it really helps to calm me down.

he's funny. somehow we got on the subject of hair (random, i know), and i told him his hair was the perfect length. (it is; he has the most FABULOUS hair i've ever seen on a guy, that i remember.) he said i should be careful about complimenting him on his hair because i'll make him fall head over heels for me. i'll wait and see if he is able to be a better listener, and then maybe i'll compliment his hair again.

more doodles and comics

date with mike

i just got back from the best date EVER! 

so much better than the one with painter dude!

me, mike (my date), and his two friends ben and eric all drove up the canyon and had a fire and smores in the middle of the snow. it was so much fun! not because we were outdoors or because i got to demonstrate my skills with fire, or because we had smores with reeses cups (my idea), though all of those things were great. it was fun because these guys are simply HILARIOUS! they're all kind of nerdy, but then again so am i, and it was really easy to talk to them. there wasn't any awkwardness, it was just like we had always been friends or something!

and mike and eric are so funny together! one is a democrat and one is republican, and they fight about EVERYTHING, but it's funny fake-arguing, which just makes me laugh! ben is quieter, more of a peacemaker. he made the most awesome roasted marshmallow reeses peanut butter cup sandwich EVER! he balances out the other two, and he's a better planner. like, it was his idea to bring aluminum foil to make the fire on since we were building it on top of the snow. the other two never would have bothered, and then we would have wound up without a fire.

and my date was so cute! he wouldn't let me get out of the car before he came around the side and opened the door for me! he told me he asked me out because he noticed that when he talks with me, he is funny and can make me laugh (very true, though it's also true that i laugh at pretty much anything), and he likes hanging out with people who laugh at his jokes. i'm a nice person to have around in that way, i guess. unless you have sensitive ears, because my laugh is very loud and jolting.

i say it was better than my date with painter dude because i had more fun, and i like the guy better, and there were other people there to break the ice and take away the tension, and he didn't kiss me at the end and make me feel bad, like i was committing to something i'm not ready to commit to. all three of the guys i was hanging out with are return missionaries, and even though i have nothing against nonmembers or inactive members, i think there's something about worthy church members and good clean fun that makes me feel comfortable and more able to relax and be myself.

it was so much fun, and i really hope he asks me out again! i told him he should; hopefully that's a big enough hint! you never know with guys, though...

now i'm anxious about seeing painter dude this saturday. he's nice but i know things with him won't go anywhere. he's incredibly hot but there just aren't any sparks for me. i wish i hadn't kissed him. regret... oh well. live and learn i guess. i'm glad i didn't kiss mike, even if part of me wanted to. i hate feeling committed to something i don't feel ready for.

narcoleptic?

Narcolepsy is a neurological condition most characterized by Excessive Daytime Sleepiness (EDS). A narcoleptic will most likely experience disturbed nocturnal sleep, which is often confused with insomnia, and disorder of REM or rapid eye movement sleep. It is one of the dyssomnias. A narcoleptic may also sleep at any random time.

The main characteristic of narcolepsy is excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS), even after adequate night time sleep. A person with narcolepsy is likely to become drowsy or to fall asleep, often at inappropriate times and places. Daytime naps may occur without warning and may be physically irresistible. These naps can occur several times a day. They are typically refreshing, but only for a few hours. Drowsiness may persist for prolonged periods of time. In addition, night-time sleep may be fragmented with frequent awakenings.

In most cases, the first symptom of narcolepsy to appear is excessive and overwhelming daytime sleepiness. The other symptoms may begin alone or in combination months or years after the onset of the daytime naps. There are wide variations in the development, severity, and order of appearance of cataplexy, sleep paralysis, and hypnagogic hallucinations in individuals. Only about 20 to 25 percent of people with narcolepsy experience all four symptoms. The excessive daytime sleepiness generally persists throughout life, but sleep paralysis and hypnagogic hallucinations may not.

Although these are the common symptoms of narcolepsy, many (although less than 40% of people with narcolepsy) also suffer from insomnia for extended periods of time. This is most often from an excess of sleep and/or use of self-medications such as energy drinks, or caffeinated drinks.

The symptoms of narcolepsy, especially the excessive daytime sleepiness and cataplexy, often become severe enough to cause serious problems in a person's social, personal, and professional life.

To imagine what a person with narcolepsy copes with daily, keep in mind that while many are not sleep-deprived (in the classical sense), a major symptom of narcolepsy is akin to sleep deprivation in a normal person; as a normal person, imagine going years functioning off just 3-4 hours of sleep per night. While lifestyle changes and drug therapy can help largely mitigate many symptoms of narcolepsy, there currently exists no complete and permanent solution, therefore patience, empathy and self-education are excellent coping tools.

Individuals with narcolepsy, their families, friends, and potential employers should know that: 

-Narcolepsy is a life-long condition that may require continuous medication. 

-Although there is no cure for narcolepsy at present, several medications can help reduce its symptoms. 

-People with narcolepsy can lead productive lives with proper medical care and lifestyle changes. 

-A major physiological and physical effect of narcolepsy is roughly akin to the effects of sleep deprivation; such effects can often be controlled and minimized through a combination of lifestyle changes and drug therapy. 

-Individuals with narcolepsy should avoid jobs that require driving long distances or handling hazardous equipment or that require alertness for lengthy periods (especially where the consequences of falling asleep are dangerous to themselves or others). 

-Parents, teachers, spouses, and employers should be aware of the symptoms of narcolepsy. This will help them avoid the mistake of confusing the person's behavior with laziness, hostility, rejection, or lack of interest and motivation. It will also help them provide essential support and cooperation. 

-Employers can promote better working opportunities for individuals with narcolepsy by permitting special work schedules and nap breaks.

Doctors generally agree that lifestyle changes can be very helpful to those suffering with narcolepsy. Suggested self-care tips, from the National Sleep Foundation, University at Buffalo, and Mayo Clinic, include: 

-Take several short daily naps (10-15 minutes) to combat excessive sleepiness and sleep attacks. -Develop a routine sleep schedule 

– try to go to sleep and awaken at the same time every day. 

-Alert your employers, co-workers and friends in the hope that others will accommodate your condition and help when needed. 

-Do not drive or operate dangerous equipment if you are sleepy. Take a nap before driving if possible. 

-Consider taking a break for a nap during a long driving trip. 

-Join a support group. 

-Break up larger tasks into small pieces and focusing on one small thing at a time. 

-Take several short walks during the day. 

-Carry a tape recorder, if possible, to record important conversations and meetings.

....i think i must have this. greg thinks i just have low iron. that is also a possibility. whatever my problem is, though, it is very real. i slept ten hours saturday night and had to leave church because i could not stay awake. i came home and slept for five hours. then, last night, i slept from 2am until 5:30pm, i am not even kidding. i am going to go to the drugstore and get something to treat it until i can see a doctor about it. i'll get pills for iron deficiency, probably, as well as codeine (they said that is supposed to help) and possibly caffeine pills. i need to stay awake during the day; this is very dangerous for my recovery. being up all night is depressing because i never get to talk to anyone, except greg because he works all night. but he's usually busy working. i haven't been getting out as much recently, either, and this could be very damaging to my schoolwork and job (if i ever get a job). just last week i had to cancel two appointments because of it, and i still had to pay for half the price. it is an expensive problem! and i'm telling you, there are very few things that are more painful than trying to stay awake and knowing it's very important that you do, but not being able to. especially when you're in church clothes and you don't have a car or anywhere to go. it's awful. it'd probably be even worse if i had a car- imagine trying to drive with this problem!

i need to go get this fixed. until then, i shall consult my local drugstore. 

greg is so nice. he takes me everywhere i need to go. just tonight he took me to go get bread and milk and soda at the grocery store (i was nice too, because i let him borrow some money to buy milk and butter for himself), and when i asked him if he'd take me to go get some codeine, he said sure. he also takes me to the gym almost every day. it's a good arrangement; he drives me to the gym, and i get on his case to take me to the gym so he doesn't sit around doing nothing all day. if you ask me, i have the harder job. sometimes i am just not motivated. tonight i was motivated to go, but FHE was too long and i missed my ride. how upsetting. oh well. not much i can do about it now.

greg says i look better without glasses. is that true?